Rocket-Powered Sultan Declares Eternal Victory

Today, Habib Junior, Jr. III, alias the Rocket-Powered Sultan, declared in a national press conference, "I am the Eternal Victor of the Champions of Eternity. None shall overcome me, and none shall fight me unless they want to suffer the consequences."

Asked about the United States President Barack Obama's alleged interest in sending surges to Pakistan for its mineral-rich land, Habib Junior, Jr. III replied, "I have no interest in foreign affairs at this time. Pakistan and the United States are of no interest. The only interesting thing is me and my status as Eternal Victor of the Champions of Eternity. NONE SHALL QUESTION MY DECISION!"

The Rocket-Powered Sultan to date has not actually fought with or defeated a single combattant. When asked by reporters about whether he was aware that Illumibody-slam was still reigning champion of the last super ultimate heavyweight decision, he simply responded, "That is not my problem. The fate of Earth or pseudo-spiritualist cult groups are not my problem. They are of no interest, whatsoever. You must pay attention to the fact that I - and I alone - am reigning champion. Do you hear me world? The fight is over! The Rocket-Powered Sultan is the winner! If anybody thinks they can defeat me, they are mistaken, and I challenge them all at once to present themselves!"

With that, the Rocket-Powered Sultan blasted off, presumably to claim the Champions of Eternity belt at Champions of Eternity headquarters, despite the fact that it was - at the time of his speech's conclusion - after office hours.

The victor revealed!

Is this the end for Illumibody-slam?

Is this the end for Mother Earth?

page 2 of the fight

Illumi vs. Gaia page 1

This just in:

Gaia Answers!

This interview was conducted Thursday.

Maxeem: I'm here with Earth, and she has something to explain to Illumibody-slam. What's up, ma?

Gaia: Blub blublub blub blub

M: What's that? I can't understand what you're saying.

G: [psychically] You can't hear me speak English. I'm a planet.

M: [flustered] Sorry, let me turn on the mic's psychic translator device.

G: I am already quite weary of the verbal assault by Illumibody-slam, and so I did not respond immediately to his challenge.

M: You're saying you're not a coward then? WOOPS! Did I say that out loud? OH no, I'm thinking it ...

G: Unlike the creatures that walk among me, as immortal as they claim to be, I have a very good grasp of super abilities, and so I do not think so many negative thoughts as you humans do. However, I respect your opinion that I am a coward.

M: Yeah yeah shut up and get to the point you fat b*tch ... oh sh*t, I didn't meant to think that - can you turn that thing off, please?

G: I will turn it off shortly. I have only this to say: I can see clear through your lies, Illumi, clearer than you are capable of fearing. I have waited until you have forgotten the challenge you spoke of in order to address it: I shall give you the spanking that you have requested. See you in the ring.

M: Tough words! Tough words ... for a woma- god-dammit-give-me-that-microphone!!!